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[sdb] juc popodyssey

wutendeskind in marry_a_ljuser

Grow old along with me, the best is yet to be.

cherie_morte,



[SEE WHAT I DID THAR WITH THE POETS? LOLZ.]

This courtship has been relatively brief (a whirlwind even!) and certainly unconventional ("HIII! I LIKE YOUR SISTER. AND BUTTSECKS. Though not usually together. AND YOUR LJ." comes to mind). You may not know this, but from the time we went to see Rent together and you made that scandalous gesture at Adam Pascal's arrival on screen, I knew I would one day be proposing to you via the internet. :D Getting lost on the way Sausalito was clearly a v. v. planned maneuver on my part - I would get us lost, save the day, and you would fall hopelessly in love with me! I knew I had to show you early on just what you were getting yourself into, me being a crack addict and all. Also that you would have to be the literal navigator in this relationship.

I was certain we should be married here, on this hallowed ground, and I was certain some of our closest friends would have to help us along the way. They did, as you well know, play such an important role in this courtship and they were kind enough to share their own beautiful proposals with me.

HARRY AND RON
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At first Harry thought a letter might be best. But then he remembered that Ron would get the letter at The Burrow, where it had a high chance of being intercepted by Fred and George. Harry knew this was a Bad Idea.

Instead, he summoned all of his Gryffindor courage and went for a more direct approach. In that Prefect bathroom JRK was so intent on telling us Harry had access to for no reason other than to have sex with Ron in (clearly). What happened next is filthy, but Moaning Myrtle was sure to get a good look. She'll show you a (little) peek.

HINT: THIS IS WHAT HAPPENED.
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REMUS AND SIRIUS
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After many a night like this, both Sirius and Remus decided (independently of one another) that it was getting harder and harder (lolz) to deny their EPIC LOVE. But, uh, Romeo and Juliet have got nothing on these star-crossed lovers and things did not go According to Plan. Absence, however, does make the heart grow fonder and they had a beautiful, beautiful reunion.

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(I can't even make light of this. This love is SIRIUS BSNS.)

JC AND JUSTIN
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After Justin decided JC was The One, he sang him a song.

Justin: Si sientes frío tu corazón, sere tu abrigo, tu ilusión. JC, hasta ya no respirar, yo te voy a amar.
JC: *doing what he does best* ...

Later, JC decided he had a secret of his own to confess sweet nothings to whisper in Justin's ear.
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JC: Uh, J, the original version of "Right Here (By Your Side)" went something like this, "See, I don't care what people say
No one else has ever made me feel the way you do. Think about it, it just make sense. We already know everything about us, oh... Justywustykins, I'll be right here by your side."
Justin: JC, man, that would have at least sold more copies.
JC: ...
Justin: I love you, too, dumbass.

BRIAN AND JUSTIN
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So Justin goes to New York and Brian makes that face a lot (read: he is Justin's woobie), except that he doesn't have a real Justin Taylor to sniff, so he has to settle for Justin's old pillow instead. His self-loathing was v. v. high at that time (read: Brian does not like to be a lesbianic little twat, except for when he is because of reasons mentioned above).

When Justin realized what an awful, awful plan it was to go to NY with no degree, no contacts, and no plan had established himself in New York, he moved back to Britin.

This is what the rest of his life was like:
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JARED AND JENSEN - No tinhats required! (read: these are real quotes)
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Jared: Jensen and I…. Sometimes I'm like, 'In my trailer, now!'

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Jared: I'm like, "Oh, yeah. Jensen was grabbing my butt in that picture." I'm sorry to sell you out.

Together forever, the end.

MERRY AND PIPPIN
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Their proposal was a joyous occasion and was (undoubtedly) helped along by drinking. It was drunken bravado that produced this bit of lyrical genius:

Pippin: Sweet as the sound of the pouring rain, is your voice Merry
Or the stream that falls from hill to plain, is where I would follow you Merry
Better than rain or rippling brook,
Is a Brandybuck inside this Took!

Their first time?
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EXPLOSIVE.

ELISA AND OLIVIA

Hopefully this proposal doesn't cause you make this face:
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And then on our wedding day, we can look sparkly and tan and beautiful together. As such:
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This is what it comes down to - Elisa, will you marry me?

[Disclaimer: With the exception of the last two, images are not mine/used without permission. Gorgeous art by: reallycorking and kasche. Justin icon by ij-user url_girl.]

Comments

Well, you know...since I have no chance of anyone else ever asking...

Olivia, Olivia, Olivia, I have no words. Well, first I have one very big, resounding word to yell at you from the rooftops:

YES.

Now that we've gotten the business out of the way...

Olivia, I don't even know where to begin with your crazy ass. I sincerely think meeting you sophomore year (or rather, having that intrusive conversation we had the first day of chem that you half relayed already since we'd met several times freshman year as a result of my sister going "HEY, THIS IS MY FRIEND OLIVIA. I THINK YOU WOULD LIKE HER" and you and me going "*awkward shuffle, awkward shuffle* I already have friends, why does my sister/Elisa's sister take so many drugs?") has been one of the most influential events in my life as far as shaping the person I have become. And it's a really fabulous person, so mad props to you.

I'm going to be honest and say that gesture was really not the kind of thing I did often with strangers (I mean, I didn't often go see RENT with strangers, either, but there was only so many times I could make MooMoo cry through it and have to take her to Cheesecake to get sloshed before I accepted that I needed another RENT viewing buddy) and I probably regretted it the moment I finished (and it was Adam Pascal, so I definitely finished) because I thought you would see my inner-crazy, but if that's what made you decide we were in deep and abiding love, I've got to say, I've never regretted opening my legs to a man less (and name the last time that went wrong). I cannot believe you knew we would be this serious one day because I was honestly so shocked when we first became friends--I thought you would realize I was nowhere near as brilliant as you and lose all interest in me (Shuddafuckup, I do not have a Remus Lupin complex). I was actually kind of worried that your favorite thing about me was RENT (I think we both know who is responsible for this, I might or might not have gone home and cried) but when was the last time we mentioned RENT and when was the last time we mentioned how much we love eachother? Exactly. (The answer is of course, 98%.) But I do have to say that the RENT thing forshadowed one of the wonderful things that draws us so close together, which is of course, fandom and our irrational attraction to them. And, you know, Adam Pascal and Anthony Rapp would have looked really good fucking. Which leads me back to fandom. I had a point when I started this paragraph, you know. The point was that the friends I'd had in real life up until this point were like ordinary friends and I'd only ever met anyone who really got me on LJ and suddenly here was the greatest LJ friend ever except she was an In Real Life Friend and "Whoa, when did that become possible?" In other words, you showed me what friends really could be and I find it to be no coincidence that all the friends I really treasure came along about halfway through sophomore year.

Though, really, for someone so brilliant, that stunt with the Golden Gate Bridge was really idiotic! If I hadn't been high on crab, I would probably have realized that you were mentally unstable and we would one day get lost in D.C. even with the creepy "ICU" Big Brother Application on your iPhone because we are both navigationally inept (yes, navigationally IS a word at 4:20 in the morning).

LMAO, YOU KNOW WHAT I DISCOVERED TONIGHT? LJ HAS A CHARACTER LIMIT, TOO. WHY IS THE UNIVERSE ALWAYS TELLING ME TO SHUT THE FUCK UP?

Re: Told you I was writing you a novel, cupcake.

Now, onto all these beautiful, beaming and (thankyoujesus) ALL MALE faces in the room with us today...

Harry, I'm glad you and Ron have decided to give up the freckle count and devout the rest of your Voldemortless lives to amorous encounters. I'm also glad you found that giant, gaping loophole into the prefect's bathroom (though really, Remus's ingenious plane to sneak Siri in behind him under the cloak requirted a lot less canonical explanation). I think it is best that you chose not to write for two very important reason:

1. The aforementioned Weasley twins. They would certainly have never let Ron live down the fact that he is a homosexual. This is because the twins are certainly NOT homosexuals except for when they have sex with eachother.

2. A return "Yes" letter could not have given you a blowjob. 'Nuff said.

Now onto my wanton lovers, my dear boys, my--Jesus Christ, I can't talk for five minutes without one of you burrowing his hands in the other's pants? SIRIUS, PAY ATTENTION, I AM TALKING TO YOU. Thank you. I am glad you two are star-crossed and will never be happy. Sorry, it's the truth, live with it. Olivia, I owe you so much for introducing me to these boys (fine, force feeding me Harry Potter). I really don't know where my mental state would have ended up if these boys hadn't been distracting me all semester. Yeah, that's kind of pathetic. As Ozymandias once said, "I don't give a fuck, suck my dick." I appreciate you not making light of my very SIRIUS BSNS ship because Sirius Black is just not the marrying type. And Remus...*sigh* let's just say everyone was happier (angstier? Same thing.) when he wasn't the marrying type, either. By which I mean when he was the BIG GAY WEREWOLF he was meant to be. It's ok, Teddy Lupin lives on...the purple harpy had her uses.

Also, I hate to get side tracked, but how did you know that "Wake Up Boo" is one of my ALL-TIME FAVORITE R/S FANART PIECES?!?! She's also one of my favorite artists, but that one in particular (I love it so much, I remembered the title, more impressive than it sounds when you consider what a R/S fan art monster I am and how many pictures of them cuddling in bed there are)!!! It really made me feel warm inside. Thank you for flying the crack_broom right into my head. (Also, that was my favorite Rec'er to date because she understood the importance of Fan Art).

JC AND JUSTIN (oh, and Lance...what are you doing down there? Well, ok, you can stay but you have to promise not to open your frosty lips and freeze everyone's hearts)! I have no wrods for how nuts this is, but you can only be as heavily involved with a crack user as I have been before you get pretty nutty--I ship it. I love the sparkles. I love the dancing. Yo soy puddy en their manos. I speak Spanish almost as well as Justin sings in it. No, Justin, don't demonstrate, I think we all know "doing what he does best" is a euphemism for popping a stiffy, and my engagement party is supposed to be a classy affair. Yes, yes, I know Sirius tied Remus to the refreshment table--but do you really want to make it worse? Oh my, Brian does. Brian, you come back, I haven't even addressed you yet. As to the amendment to your Right Here (By Your Side) lyrics...Justywustikins was right, and not just about loving you.

Brian! Justin! BRIAN/JUSTIN!!!! Ok, that's all, I won't keep you from your smooth, tight ass plowing any longer.

Jared and Jensen! How nice to see you both! I don't know you that well. Maybe you should take your shirts off. Ok, yes. Now you're quite welcome. Feel free to stare at eachother adoringly while I get drunk with these short dudes over here...

Olivia...you rewrote the hobbit drinking song. It also happens to be my favorite Hobbit drinking song (yes, I know more than one, see Ozymandia's earlier comment and keep in mind that I am a shark). I love you so so so much for this hilarity.

STILL NOT FINISHED! BWAHAHAHA! I WILL NOT BE SILENCED! becausethenIwouldhavetodomyEnglishreading.

Re: Re: Will somebody shut me the fuck up?

I wish I didn't make that face as often as I do, but I'm afraid Scrooge McDuck may have made an unwanted reprise tonight just in the shock and wonder of seeing this proposal. All the same, I promise to accept it and do my best in our long life together not to make it again, ever. No promises. You can make the RENT face if I make this one, then we'll both be terrifying. All jokes aside, of the many excellent pairings that have gathered here tonight, Elivia (sry, Olisa didn't sound as good) is my ultimate OTP. You are, really and truly, my soulmate. I honestly think that because soulmating isn't about having hot sweaty subtext (though that usually is the best kind of soulmating) it's about finding someone who you just totally get and who totally gets you. I have never felt more connected to anyone. You are my favorite ever, I know I say this all the time, but I mean it all the time.

In conclusion, yes I will LJ marry you, just as I facebook married you, and Boston married you and I defy you to find somewhere else we can get married because I will marry you there, too. My previous suitor, Michael Chabon, is a little disheartened by this news but I had to let him down. Such is the nature of my meteoric love for you.

Also--I C WUT U DID THAR with the poetry and I have to say, I thought you knew me better than to try to woe me with poetry. You're lucky I'm easy.

Now I really am done, though I know I'm forgetting something I wanted to say...fuck...maybe I'll return and comment again if it crops up while I'm thinking about males touching eachother and pretending that this is relevent to my classwork.

Re: Re: Re: OH! OH! OH! I REMEMBERED! I REMEMBERED!

The other thing I wanted to say was:

If you knew so long we were destined to be wed, what took you so long to propose?!?! Would that I only knew sooner that this community exists and I would have made an honest lady out of you much sooner.

Re: OH! OH! OH! I REMEMBERED! I REMEMBERED!

Spring 2009 was a hard time on our intellect. We forgive ourself for this comment.

The Wedding Gift

I would just link you to the story but I want you to see the cut-text.

http://community.livejournal.com/infatuated_ink/

May the sparkly Gods forgive me.

http://community.livejournal.com/infatuated_ink/14079.html

Edited at 2009-12-22 09:15 am (UTC)

Excuse me while I masterbate.

Hello, and welcome to the Golden Anniversary of Olivia and Elisa Valdonez (never again to be mistaken for Valdornez). Some of our closest friends were very hurt not to be invited to our wedding, so they convinced me to renew our vows and give them a chance to speak on their Epic Loves as well.

The first couple to contact me about this was, of course, those Winchester douchenozzles. Ever since the Apocalypse ended and "going hunting" became an expression applied only to Sam clipping coupons and trying to find Dean affordable clothes, Sam has been very touchy about being left out of anything domestic. Dean just could not take the bitchface any longer (and is also feeling pretty domestic these days) You'll understand, they have a lot of catch-up to play. They were going to give really beautiful speeches with a lot of gazing-into-eyes and use of the word brother, but about ten seconds in, Dean said something along the lines of "I like to let you inside of me, because I want to be your home." and...well...then this happened:



Not long after this, Castiel stopped by (he insists he wasn't trying to watch but we don't believe him, he ships that shit) and confirmed that Sam had in fact drawn three figures (no more, no less, though we are pretty sure Dean will love Sam up until, but also after he stops breathing) on Dean's heart. And then they made out. Like so:



Realizing that we probably have lost their attention for the night, I found another couple of speakers who needed to say hello. Mostly because they go to school with you. IRL. You sick fuck. Anyway, I met Riley Cooper at a "I Love my Domestically Inclined Girlfriend" convention when he informed me that he liked my shirt. My shirt, by the way, had a lot to do with math (the only good kind of math, Coop isn't usually the academic type but he got the 11 + 15 equation). Now Timmy and Riley aren't much of talkers (because I am probably very close to the character limit and want to keep this at one comment), they like to let their actions speak for them, both on the field and in the dorms.

On the field:



In the dorms:


(Timmy wants YOU to write MPREG about him)

On the Heisman Trophy Voting Forms:



In their cell phones:



Their Love is not a subtle one.

Spock and Kirk thought about coming to this party, but then *somebody* wanted to go to sleep, so I told them they could just stay home and fuck it out.

Edited at 2009-12-22 09:09 am (UTC)

Re: Excuse me while I masterbate.

Don't bother masturbating, I'm going to suck your dick for you. ALL NIGHT LONG, BABY. :d

I LOVE THAT WINCHESTER ART. GAH. I LOVE THAT YOU INCLUDED THAT ONE. I love that Castiel is playing the role of Moaning Myrtle tonight. He should go hang out at her toilet--maybe he can help her finally move the hell on. :P

I literally almost threw my laptop on to the floor (read: I had to catch it in mid-air) after the "Tim Tebow wants you to write mpreg about him" thing. I love you sick, nasty amounts. It means so much to me that you have accepted football the way you have. DUDE, WE SCORNED COLT TOGETHER. NO ONE SCORNS COLT. Except Tim Tebow. And the Heisman voters.

ZOMG UHURA TOTALLY HEARD YOU TRYING TO GET THE MESSAGE TO SPOCK AND KIRK! BUT I THINK ONLY ONE OF THEM TRANSLATED IT PROPERLY...this whole alternate universes thing gets really confusing, you see.

Nu!Hura thought you said "Gaze longingly into each other's eyes." Or maybe she translated incorrectly on purpose because she wanted to keep Spock for herself.
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But don't worry--Spock Prime ships it.
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Elisa, I Love you more now than I did when I first proposed. May we always gaze adoringly at each other, speak in what outsiders think is a foreign language, and be ready to ship the next crazy thing (while maintaining a healthy respect for those ships in our past). And, perhaps most importantly, may you always want me to suck your asshole! ♥ ♥ ♥ <-- You know what I'm doing with those.

I see a light in you and I want to tan in it.

THAT'S WHAT I LIKE TO HEAR! Also what Brian Kinney likes to hear. He liked it so much he raised his head from Justin's asshole for a second, but then he realized you ave a vag and went back down below. His loss (But also yours, if we're being honest)!

I LOVE THAT ART, TOO, AND THAT YOU SHOWED IT TO ME. I WANT THAT ART TO PRY MY VIRGINITY AWAY FROM ME. Also, Cas will def. get pissed at that obnoxious bitch and kill her 35 minutes ago. He did not fall for humans only to find out they sound like *that*. Cas thinks Dean has a very lovely singing voice.

Yeah, I'm not going to lie. I was smug as fuck over the MPREG joke. WE DID SCORN COLT TOGETHER. ONLY YOU, ME, THE HEISMAN VOTERS, TIM TEBOW, RILEY COOPER, AND ANYONE WHO INTERVIEWS COLT ABOUT NATIONALS IS ALLOWED TO DO THAT!!! It's a v. exclusive club.

BAD GIRL, NU!HURA! THAT WAS A NAUGHTY, NAUGHTY THING TO DO! Good thing Spock Prime was there to clear things up...both in our weird hypothetically situation, but also in the movie, oddly enough. In other news, I highly approve of this fanart!!

Liv, BB, I Love you more with every say that passes. You are the most important thing. Of all the romance languages human history has provided, ours is the most beautiful of the ones created while the entire population that speaks said language was high on llama lamps and crack. YAY TO SHIPPING IT, NOW AND FOREVER. MAY YOUR LIPS FOREVER GRAZE ME IN MY MOST RESERVED OF PLACES.

ILU, OH-MY-LIVIA.
I almost forgot to mention that you're going to suck my asshole.
God, I'm funny.
marry a ljuser

May 2012

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